Safety Information

The five body-safety rules

These are the foundation of everything in our library. They work from about age four, and they are worth repeating until they are boring.

1. My body belongs to me. Nobody is allowed to touch it in a way that makes me uncomfortable — not a friend, not a relative, not a grown-up.
2. I know the real names for my body parts. Children who can name body parts accurately are more likely to be understood, and less likely to be dismissed, when they tell someone.
3. Some secrets are not okay. Surprises are fun and end. A secret you are told to keep forever, especially about touching, is one to tell a trusted adult straight away.
4. I can say no. Including to adults. Including to family. Including to hugs and kisses they don’t want to give.
5. I have trusted adults. At least three, at least one outside the home, named out loud and written down.

What grooming actually looks like

Roughly nine in ten children who are abused are abused by someone they already know and trust. It very rarely begins with anything a child would recognise as dangerous. It usually begins with attention. Patterns worth noticing:

• Singling out. One adult who gives a particular child unusual amounts of attention, gifts or privileges.
• Manufactured privacy. Repeatedly arranging to be alone with a child, or offering to take them places without other adults.
• Secret-keeping. Building up small shared secrets, so that a bigger one later feels normal.
• Boundary testing. Tickling, wrestling, or “accidental” touching that goes on after the child asks them to stop.
• Driving a wedge. Telling the child that their parents don’t understand them, or that they are the only one who really listens.
• Private contact. Messaging, gaming or social media contact that the child’s parents are not meant to know about.

Any one of these on its own may be nothing at all. A pattern of them is worth acting on. Acting early costs an awkward conversation; not acting can cost a childhood.

Signs a child may be struggling

Children rarely announce abuse. It shows up sideways, and often as a change rather than a state: a child who is suddenly different from the child they were.

• Sudden fear of a particular person or place, or unexplained reluctance to be left with someone.
• Going backwards — bed-wetting, clinginess, thumb-sucking in a child who had stopped.
• Sleep problems, nightmares, appetite changes, unexplained stomach aches or headaches.
• Sexual knowledge or language beyond what is usual for their age.
• Withdrawal from friends and activities they used to enjoy, or a sharp change at school.
• New secrecy about a phone, tablet or game, or unexplained gifts and money.

None of these proves anything on its own. All of them are worth a gentle, unhurried conversation.

If a child tells you something

What you do in the first two minutes matters enormously. It shapes whether they keep talking — to you, and to anyone else.

• Stay calm. Your face is the thing they are reading. Shock or anger reads to a child as “I have done something wrong.”
• Believe them. Say so out loud. False disclosures by children are rare; retractions after a bad reaction are not.
• Thank them. “I’m really glad you told me. That was brave.”
• Make it clear it is not their fault. Children almost always assume it is.
• Don’t interrogate. Let them use their own words. Leading questions can make an investigation harder later.
• Don’t promise secrecy. Say instead: “I’m going to help you, and that means telling someone whose job it is to keep you safe.”
• Write it down. As soon as you can, in their words, with the date and time.
• Report it. Here is how. You do not need to be certain — that is the investigator’s job, not yours.

Online safety

Grooming online follows the same pattern as grooming offline, only faster and at greater scale. The practical countermeasures are ordinary:

• Devices and consoles stay in shared rooms, not bedrooms, for as long as you can manage it.
• Know which games and apps have chat, voice and direct messages — most do, including ones marketed to young children.
• Agree the rule early: nobody they met online is a friend until a parent has met them too.
• Teach the response, not just the rule: “If anyone asks you for a photo, or asks you to keep our chats secret, you come and tell me and you will never be in trouble.”
• Make sure they know that nothing they have already done makes it too late to tell you.

How we keep this site safe

No child accounts, no tracking, no comments, and nowhere for a stranger to contact a child. Everything submitted from outside is read by a person before it appears. The detail is in our child safety policy and our privacy policy.

This page is general educational information, not legal, medical or clinical advice. If you are worried about a specific child, contact your local child protective services or the Childhelp hotline above.